What is BDSM?
Defining BDSM is a rather complicated task and it needs to be addressed in stages. The first stage is to identify the three groups that are encompassed in the initialism; “B&D” stands for Bondage and Discipline, “D/s” refers to Domination and submission, and “S&M” represents Sadism and Masochism. The next step is to define each group, which is the most difficult part because there are so many levels of attitudes, actions, and points of view within each group.
While B&D refers to a single group, these are also two distinct and very separate areas. Bondage consists of various levels of activity ranging from the simple tying someone up with men’s ties or scarves to the extremely intricate Japanese-inspired rope art called Shibari. Discipline also has the same type of variety but it also includes a mental aspect as well. Techniques used are as mild as the “time out” punishment that is used with parents and their children or as intense as corporal punishments such as spankings with hands, paddles, rods, or various other implements. The reason these two areas are grouped together however is because they can, and often do overlap with each other. Many times the discipline that someone receives is done in conjunction with being bound to have the punishment administered like being tied to a bed to receive a session of being tickled, not being allowed to wear a desired rope corset done in the Shibari style, or being bound with restraints to a Saint Andrews Cross in order to have lashings
administered. D/s in a term used that refers to a way of acting and protocols used rather than physical tools that are used. It is primarily a mental aspect of the BDSM scene and is also the only aspect that can be seen in every day relationships that have nothing to do with BDSM. In every relationship there is one party who takes charge or is looked to for guidance, direction, or decisions (i.e. boss/employee, parent/child, spouse/spouse, group leader/group members, etc.). These relationships are recognized and sometimes more exaggerated within the BDSM community. The dominant is the one who is in charge of the decisions and the punishments (if there are any), but it is widely recognized that it is the submissive who has the real power in the relationship because they are the ones who willingly give the gift of control to the dominant. This gift can be taken back at anytime, whether it is through a breakdown in the relationship or a change in trust levels or any other multitude of changes that could occur. For many within the BDSM community the D/s relationship is does not confine itself to the bedroom and can regularly involve other people who are outside of the primary relationship. In some cases the submissive actually identifies as a slave and offers himself or herself up to be used however the dominant (for slaves, dominants are called a Master or a Mistress) wishes to use them (sexually, domestically, verbally, or physically).
S&M is the most severe part of BDSM as it is the part that is the most physically dangerous. Sadists are people who enjoy inflicting pain and torture upon others, and masochists are people who enjoy receiving pain. To many outside the BDSM community this sounds odd, sick, and
incomprehensible, but they are very real desires and wanted activities. Some masochists only want/need to feel the pain during the time of infliction, while others want to receive bruises and sometimes broken skin to remind them of what they endured (some will even press on the marks to inflict new pain and get enjoyment from that). Likewise there are sadists who take pride in being able to dole out painful sessions without leaving any marks on the recipient, when others treat the marks left behind like artwork and some even make specific designs to show off.
As each individual in the world is different, so are the various relationships they have, and it is no different within BDSM relationships. Within each of the three groups there is a vast difference of how people practice, and there is a great deal of overlap in the areas practiced as well. Some use techniques from B&D in their D/s relationship, while some in S&M relationships use skills from D/s dynamics. Others will embrace skills, techniques, protocols, dynamics, and ideas from all three groups while others will stay solely within one area. It is all very individualized and completely dependent upon what the parties within the relationships have negotiated and consented to.
While B&D refers to a single group, these are also two distinct and very separate areas. Bondage consists of various levels of activity ranging from the simple tying someone up with men’s ties or scarves to the extremely intricate Japanese-inspired rope art called Shibari. Discipline also has the same type of variety but it also includes a mental aspect as well. Techniques used are as mild as the “time out” punishment that is used with parents and their children or as intense as corporal punishments such as spankings with hands, paddles, rods, or various other implements. The reason these two areas are grouped together however is because they can, and often do overlap with each other. Many times the discipline that someone receives is done in conjunction with being bound to have the punishment administered like being tied to a bed to receive a session of being tickled, not being allowed to wear a desired rope corset done in the Shibari style, or being bound with restraints to a Saint Andrews Cross in order to have lashings
administered. D/s in a term used that refers to a way of acting and protocols used rather than physical tools that are used. It is primarily a mental aspect of the BDSM scene and is also the only aspect that can be seen in every day relationships that have nothing to do with BDSM. In every relationship there is one party who takes charge or is looked to for guidance, direction, or decisions (i.e. boss/employee, parent/child, spouse/spouse, group leader/group members, etc.). These relationships are recognized and sometimes more exaggerated within the BDSM community. The dominant is the one who is in charge of the decisions and the punishments (if there are any), but it is widely recognized that it is the submissive who has the real power in the relationship because they are the ones who willingly give the gift of control to the dominant. This gift can be taken back at anytime, whether it is through a breakdown in the relationship or a change in trust levels or any other multitude of changes that could occur. For many within the BDSM community the D/s relationship is does not confine itself to the bedroom and can regularly involve other people who are outside of the primary relationship. In some cases the submissive actually identifies as a slave and offers himself or herself up to be used however the dominant (for slaves, dominants are called a Master or a Mistress) wishes to use them (sexually, domestically, verbally, or physically).
S&M is the most severe part of BDSM as it is the part that is the most physically dangerous. Sadists are people who enjoy inflicting pain and torture upon others, and masochists are people who enjoy receiving pain. To many outside the BDSM community this sounds odd, sick, and
incomprehensible, but they are very real desires and wanted activities. Some masochists only want/need to feel the pain during the time of infliction, while others want to receive bruises and sometimes broken skin to remind them of what they endured (some will even press on the marks to inflict new pain and get enjoyment from that). Likewise there are sadists who take pride in being able to dole out painful sessions without leaving any marks on the recipient, when others treat the marks left behind like artwork and some even make specific designs to show off.
As each individual in the world is different, so are the various relationships they have, and it is no different within BDSM relationships. Within each of the three groups there is a vast difference of how people practice, and there is a great deal of overlap in the areas practiced as well. Some use techniques from B&D in their D/s relationship, while some in S&M relationships use skills from D/s dynamics. Others will embrace skills, techniques, protocols, dynamics, and ideas from all three groups while others will stay solely within one area. It is all very individualized and completely dependent upon what the parties within the relationships have negotiated and consented to.